so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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