I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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