Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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