4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
