i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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