Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
