I hate all girls vehemently.
another moral hangover. fuck.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
