i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
