You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
