4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
