The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize