I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Everclear isn't food dammit
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
