K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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