I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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