life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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