The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
