We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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