Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
worst night to have a conscience
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
