I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
