Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
