Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
