No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
