I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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