Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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