remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
