A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need to sanitize my soul.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
