you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
