that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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