Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
