Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
