Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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