You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
