what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
