Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize