I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
