look no pants
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
