Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
