i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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