I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
