we have officially lost it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
