Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my shit smells like andre
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
