why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
