too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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