she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
