Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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