We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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