WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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