this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
