ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Randomize
