I look better un-naked...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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