The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
