i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
