Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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