Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
