They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
