I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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