How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
