...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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