I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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