I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
