So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
