So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
