It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize