I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
where are you?
Hypothermia
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
