My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she told me i tasted like america
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
