i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He passed out mid-signature
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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