well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
