so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
