He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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