So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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