Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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