So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
