Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize