Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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