We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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