I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The air was thick with penises
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
