i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize